我的藏獒开了我的花苞

But Phobos knew me the kind of female I truly was with all my flaws and imperfections. Instead, he chose to consider lies and rumours rather than believing his moon blessed. Instead of asking me my truth he blatantly assumed my lack of virtue that my lips had held plenty of cocks and that somehow that shot an arrow straight to my heart that had only begun stitching itself back again it felt as though he had betrayed me.

The sick look in his eyes when I endeavoured to kiss him that evening he returned to the pack haunted me on various depressing nights strangling my throat as I mourned like I had lost someone dear for never had I imagined he would gaze at me that way as though I had performed many sins with countless males.

I ceased speaking with him completely and this bothered him I knew but he never openly showed it. He was calm and reserved as always. We gradually began to drift apart and it shattered my heart. Breakfast was eaten at different times and dinners were eaten at separate huts. Phobos preferred to spend more evenings with Drakho, Awan, Moira and Argus rather than with me.

He would come home before daylight and go straight to sleep in his room. On certain nights I would hear the sound of sharpened claws scraping down my locked wooden door urgently begging me to open it. Not to comfort me or discuss the issue that separated us rather he sought pleasure, his beast taking control of his body and mind. But I never gave in I fought a bloody war with myself to not abide by his needs.

I had felt entirely forsaken and lost on his lands I was able to breathe purely because of him but when he abandoned me my lungs refused to give way for oxygen. I was in permanent misery as though our bond was dangling on a loose thread and my male kept the scissors to cut it.

Phobos can be cruel I had always known this from when I was a pup his punishments are severe and he will not care if it burns you as long as he thought you deserved it. He would never let such strain between us to simmer always seeking to water it down but this time he let it boil and overflow from the vessel. He did not wish to speak with me either as though my tantrum was my cause. He found no fault within himself.

As the nights got cooler so did his eyes when they glanced at me. Evil male. In those occasional times when I succumbed to my inner fight and desperately sought him to rekindle our flame he would be in Moira\'s warm hut seated on her table with Argus on his lap smiling up at her appreciatively as she served him his dinner.

I felt like an outsider viewing a celebrating family and no matter how much I tried to deny it my jealousy only evolved to new heights. He was not comfortable with me but when he was in her presence he was overjoyed and in peace. He looked so...happy when I was not with him while I was dreading every minute without his warmth encompassing mine. No matter what, I always appeared to be beneath her in every way I couldn\'t compete no matter how hard I laboured.

In the mornings when I went for training he would be perched beside her aiding her to milk the cows or involved in a deep conversation as she playfully swatted his back to the joke he spewed. Phobos never told jokes with me. Their relationship seemed to grow stronger with each passing day yet ours grew weaker and duller. It was dying and I did not know how to save it.

I stopped eating for a few weeks I was unable to keep it down in my belly I was regularly sick and I often failed in my training. Vdce was getting more exasperated with me confused on why I had abruptly gotten worse when I was doing quite well. But how could I tell her that her Alpha found his female revolting? How could I tell her the bond I treasured for most of my life was breaking apart right in front of my eyes?

I was losing weight quickly the lack of food, the freezing sleepless nights and unrelenting training started taking a toll on my body. Yet no wolf seemed to see it not even my male for one shall notice only if they truly worried for you. I was drowning and no wolf was there to liberate me from the deep waters but myself.

But one afternoon Lumina had called me requesting me to attend Kal\'s first birthday party at the castle and how much it would mean to her if I did. She said she would arrange everything for my travel when I discoursed of the distance between us. I was thrilled as it was an escape from my brutal reality. I thought that one day without my male would somehow revive me back to life and give me the strength to endure his coldheartedness for the rest of the months to come.

"You need not come. Lumina is arranging a plane to covertly take me from your lands for there is no time to travel by road." It was the first time I had talked to him. I waited for him to return to the cabin after his dinner with Moira and he was startled I reckon that I was awake as he stood wordlessly by the door whilst I calmly washed the dishes with my back facing him.

Perhaps in his mind, he thought I did not know of his favourite dinner event which occurred in another female\'s hut every night. "When?" He had asked me as he removed his fur hat and winter attire to hang them up on the coat hanger. His first word to me in almost two months.

"Tomorrow." I had deliberately informed him too late for I did not wish to travel with him. I needed space from him.

I knew he was conscious that I mentioned it to him last minute intentionally he was aware I wanted space from him to just go out there and laugh for I hadn\'t in so long.

"I have informed Vdce I can commence my training once I return."

"How many days?"

"It depends," I mumbled as I dried my hands on a sterile cloth whilst I still gazed away from him. I did not want to look at him even conversing with him made me want to scream and start a war between us.

"I will come." He had announced his voice faint as though he was concerned I would not come back to him.

"You do not have to. I will return soon."

"Do you not want me to come?" There was a slight surge in the sound of his voice he was disconcerted I felt that way.

"Yes." I had responded unhesitantly and I discerned the way he clenched his hands into quivering fists restraining his upsetness that tore through him to come to expose itself to me.

"I will accompany you, Theia."

"Then do as you please.." I had murmured with displeasure at his determination to always go against my wishes as I sauntered to my room having finished with my cleaning and locked the door behind me as always.