我的藏獒开了我的花苞

And when she squeezed a peculiar fluid-filled moulded ball of herbs right over my gaping flesh my body sprung forward and an ear-splitting screech tore out my throat for I had never once felt such intense pain before.

Each time I cried out sobbing aloud he screamed with me for every bit of my misery he felt it too and was living through it all. And throughout my treatment I thought that it was merely a sense of panic that defeated me in that situation and that he wouldn\'t leave my side for we had overcome numerous tests and tribulations to get we were that moment, I thought he would fight for us in a way.

But his need to protect me always came first and soared above his desire for anything else, even the eternal love we held for the other for after that night my male had vanished. When I had awoken the next day, Vdce stood by my side and unhappily informed me he was nowhere to be found and I distinctly heard the very first crack of the outer shell of my heart to her truth.

I once more wept sorrowfully for we were torn apart again and my soul couldn\'t handle it. I couldn\'t handle being alone without him anymore I had gotten so used to his electrifying warmth that my flesh froze instantly without his heat.

For several nights I dreamt he returned home to me, laid beside me on our bed calling my name in that delicate voice he owns meant only for my ears. But it never did happen and I got desperate with each fleeting day, fury rose from my inner depths at my male to the decision he took without paying heed to my wishes. I understood the reasons behind his antics but I couldn\'t fathom how he would leave without even a single word of farewell.

Moreover, I was consumed by anxiety as I could neither speak nor walk for a whole month. My neck was regularly bandaged and I was bedridden. My pain escalated with each day as my moon blessed wasn\'t beside me to aid in my healing process and my wolf caged herself not wishing to come out either. I felt mercilessly abandoned just like when I was eighteen and it agitated me even more. But from that tiny seed of anxiety grew raw fear...fear that he will never return to me.

During that one month Moira took good care of me she grew to be the support I terribly needed during those frightful times. She fed me, changed me and even cleaned after me. Yes, it would have been embarrassing if Phobos was the one doing all that instead but I still hopelessly yearned for him. If he simply stayed by my side and spoke to me that would have been more than enough for me to recuperate but the lack of his presence merely brought forth heartache to accompany my physical suffering.

In the last two weeks, my throat has fully healed and the bandages were finally removed. I have regained my strength and was gifted with no more nightly visits to Vdce\'s hut for medication. I feel relieved for all is back to normal, all except having Phobos with me.

"Krlovna." Drakho\'s faint voice beckons me and I turn my gaze from the calm waters towards him. "I noticed you did not eat lunch so I brought it to you." He utters while showing me a full plate containing fresh bread and chess with thinly cut slices of dried meat.

"Do you think he has eaten?" I ask coolly studying the pine trees on the opposite side of the river that seems to be concealing something.

"Whom?"

"My male."

"Of course he has. Alpha Phobos never misses a meal, Luna." I beam at his blunt words. Indeed my male treasures food so much, he loves to eat and has a big belly unlike any other.

I wonder if he misses my cooking rather I am sure he does for I remember on the days we bickered he would find our pack\'s food laid at our table instead of my home-cooked meals. He would make me feel guilty for not cooking for him for his shoulders would visibly sag and the tips of his lips would dip downwards revealing to me his displeasure. The beast would appear like a pup to me during those times.

"Where is he now, Drakho?"

"Luna I have mentioned it to you several times-"

"I know but just tell it to me again, I wish to hear it. That way it would keep my heart still for a little while longer."

"Krl took one of our trucks and went to sojourn in a nearby pack. I am unsure when he shall return for he did not inform me before he left." He repeats the same words he has told me countless times before but my heart continues to clench achingly, his truth does not pacify me at all not even a little. There is no uncertainty of his location and for that I am grateful but what is unknown is our future.

I know Phobos, if he found something to be right from his point of view he shall never waver and set the path straight on our behalf. The thing with that dull-witted beast is that he never tries to think from my perspective of any situation. Most of the time I hold certain solutions that would suppress our problems but he never chooses to discuss them with me, his answer is the final word. Stupid Alpha male!

"And this pack, you cannot take me there yes?"

"I cannot, Luna. It is too far from here and Alpha\'s orders are to keep you here on our lands for he knew you would attempt to run after him." Drakho is lying, I had known it all along. Phobos will never choose to leave his pack vulnerable without his protection, he must be somewhere close. But his headstrong Beta will not bend to my masked interrogation.

"He is such a foolish male. Is he not, Drakho?" I whisper as his eyes broaden imperceptibly to my question.

"I cannot answer that I do not wish to be beheaded." He utters with a low bow as I giggle at his words. Only I possess the courage to call Phobos this way, I am the only wolf he allows to call him such names.

"Do you know how long he has been gone for? 1 month and three weeks. 51 days to be exact, Drakho. And do you know what scares me the most? That male has put up a barrier around his mind and soul and I...I cannot feel him."

"He is doing this for your safety, Luna."

I rise to stand on my feet whilst briskly turning to the side to meet his serene eyes, my annoyance to the words \'my safety\' surging. "I am fine, Drakho. I am breathing and well."

"Yes but Alpha needs to get his beast under control, you mustn\'t be harmed again. He has lived all these years solely to protect you and I hope you can be patient with him."

"You see that is what I lack. I used to be very patient, when I turned eighteen I waited for that male to come and claim me but over the years I have lost every bit of it. I have matured on your lands and I will not simply sit here like a damsel in distress waiting for him. It is my turn to go fetch my male, Drakho." I utter whirling around to grasp the plate from his hands and march back from the river bed towards the pack grounds.

"How will you do so, Luna? You do not know anything about his location or how to get there."

"As for where he is I will solve it soon, I am close to obtaining my answer. And I will get there with one of our trucks it is quite simple." I reply while casually shoving a small strip of meat into my mouth.

"You cannot drive, Krlovna. You would not know the way either." He stomps after me striving to suspend my plans.

"It does not matter. I will run there if I have to."

"Luna please." He pleads with me. This has been an occasional discussion between us that would take place at least once a week where I would say I am going to flee in the middle of the night to search for Phobos and he would beg me not to. On the days we have this conversation Drakho would sleep outside my cabin door keeping a lookout in case I chose to go forward with my plan.

"What choice do I have? He has left me with no options. I miss him so much that I cannot sleep or eat well and I need to go visit my family in a week. I am not leaving without him."

"He will return by then." This male has been instructed to keep me here at all costs and he is quite good with his words and manipulation but I am strong-minded to not fall for his tricks.

"We both know he will not."

"Then I will lock you up as per Alpha\'s ord-" Before he could finish his sentence I am swift to whirl around and bare my teeth to him resounding growls rumbling from deep within my chest condemning what he meant to say. "Luna." He bows with respect understanding my displeasure.

"This discussion is over. I will speak with you on this later on for I must aid the females in preparation for tonight\'s bonfire." The pack is holding a big bonfire at the heart of the ground in celebration of the numerous females who have gotten pregnant on our lands, it will be held tonight and they had been preparing for it all of last month.

"Luna." Moira smiles at me in greeting and I receive her with a terse nod.. "You are right on time, we were wondering which of your spices to use for the fish."